For Those Coming To Social Anxiety Anonymous from Other 12 Step Programs: Why No Two 12 Step Programs are Exactly the Same, And Why That's a Good Thing

We'll explain why in a minute, but first, here are some examples of these differences, shown by way of comparing a couple of other 12 Step programs to each other:

Lets start by comparing one key difference between Overeaters Anonymous and Alcoholics Anonymous. Both are 12 Step programs, utilizing many of the same concepts and tools of recovery, yet there is a key difference between the two approaches, based on differences in the problems that they are designed to help. Compulsive Overeating is simply not exactly the same as Alcoholism, and has issues unique to itself that only a 12 Step program tailored for that problem can fully address. Here is one case that illustrates our point clearly--

A compulsive over-eater, although addicted to food, must continue to eat or else they will surely die. The very substance they are addicted to --food--, must nevertheless be consumed on a daily basis. In contrast, an Alcoholic in A.A. is told they must totally abstain from their addictive substance on a daily basis. While the person in Overeater's Anonymous must continue to eat food, the very thing they are addicted to, the Alcoholic on the other hand is told in A.A, that they must never drink the substance they are addicted to-- alcohol --even once-- or they will likely relapse totally.

These differences between 12 Step programs, although apparently subtle, can have life or death consequences for those involved. The Alcoholic who tries to moderate their daily drinking may die as the result. Whereas the compulsive over-eater who can never completely forgo food, must nevertheless find a way to use the 12 Steps in the Overeaters Anonymous program of recovery to address their own life-threatening addiction. And what about those compulsive over-eaters who are also anorexic? All or part of their addiction is actually to starvation or not eating. Consequently the two 12 Step programs, O.A. and A.A. programs are not identical, nor should they be. Yet both are legitimate 12 Step programs that have saved millions of lives. This may be more evident with a serious problem like alcoholism, but when one takes a moment to consider the health consequences of lifelong obesity or anorexia and the lifesaving benefits of Overeaters Anonymous also become clear.

Now what about the the person who has both problems (not an uncommon situation)? Lets say the alcoholic who ALSO has an eating disorder, who was BOTH a compulsive drinker as well as a serious compulsive eater-- this person can unfortunately make a serious mistake if they automatically assume that the A.A. program of recovery and the O.A. program of recovery are exactly the same 12 Step programs. The truth that each of these programs, although they share the 12 Steps in common, must also have their own unique concepts, tools, and areas of focus in order to deal with the problems that are unique to either Eating Disorders or Alcoholism. This is why making the automatic assumption that the 12 Step program that one started in, is "just the same 12 step program" that one has just added for a second problem can be a serious mistake.

And this is why it is strongly suggested in Social Anxiety Anonymous, that people coming from other 12 Step program keep an open mind about, and give special attention to, learning about what these differences are, in order to have the fullest chance of success in the Social Anxiety Anonymous program of recovery.

Here is an example of a key difference between Social Anxiety Anonymous and another 12 Step program--

There is a very important difference between the 12 Step program Codependents Anonymous and Social Anxiety Anonymous, one that can make all the difference for ones social anxiety problem. Codependency and Social Anxiety Disorder may seem to be two very similar things, in fact these two issues even do overlap, and yet this can also be a source of unfortunate confusion, because despite the overlap between these two problems, the difference are very important to understand:

For example codependents (**who do not also have social anxiety disorder) often put great emphasis on confronting others and learning to questions themselves less and to question others more. The emphasis in CODA is (in part) "trust your own thoughts more and don't overvalue the thoughts of others". We are not criticizing the CODA program, which can help the person who is purely codependent but if taken to extremes, this program of recovery can have serious consequences for the social anxiety suffer. The reason is, a socially anxious person who is intent on codependency recovery without also recognizing how their social anxiety affects their thinking and perceptions of reality is at risk of standing up to or confronting people based on fears and misperceptions rather than reality. This is due to the way that social anxiety can cause us to misread others.

This is why some codependency recovery practices that say that one should learn to "always trust ones own thoughts and feelings" can be disastrous for a person with social anxiety disorder. In the case of social anxiety one needs to balance self trust with a healthy dose of self-questioning. Otherwise one can become a Don Quiote and spend years charging at the innocent, and tragically so at the cost of many important relationships. This is why ongoing personal inventory with an awareness of this tendency to misread social events in the case of social anxiety disorder is key to avoid letting social anxiety cloud ones perceptions of reality and especially those around us, lest we assume others are trying to do us harm when they really aren't.

We SA sufferers must also be watchful of our tendency to blow somewhat hurtful events (unavoidable at times in the interaction between humans) out of proportion. Sometimes hurtful things really do happen in life, and yet we SA sufferers will make this hurt so much worse and will tend to hold on to it far longer than others will, suffering needlessly and even nursing grudges and pushing healthy forgiveness far away, which also undermines our spiritual and emotional health.

Not only must the SA suffer pay careful attention to these things in order to avoid harming innocent people, but they must do this in order to avoid missing out on important relationships with friends, relatives and romantic partners; not to mention important business and work opportunities. This can also affect our ability to benefit from Social Anxiety Anonymous support groups. Taking special care to be aware of this tendency in ones relationships in Social Anxiety Anonymous support groups is of the utmost importance, lest we end up taking our fears out on other group members who are only seeking help. Although others may suffer, we will suffer the most if we allow our fears to govern our perceptions of reality, since we may even give up on support groups due to imagined slights or imagined dramas (or magnification or exaggeration of real issues which will inevitably surface from time to time in any support group). All of these things may even cause us to leave support groups before we can get the badly needed help that they can offer. This is why a daily practice of questioning ones fears and reactions is necessary in order any kind of real recovery from social anxiety problems.

Although the above points are key, and must be understood and (by choice alone) adhered to there is also another twist to this story, that the peace and serenity of the 12 Steps can address. Here is the dilemma that sometimes surfaces: To complicate all of the issues discussed here further, there actually are cases where social anxiety sufferers are being victimized by others and must learn to recognize and respond to it. The person with social anxiety can at times suffer from a bewildering paradox. Shy people are also more likely to attract the attention of bullies who like to target them. So we SA sufferers really are more likely to be bullied-- and yet, at the same time-- we are more likely than the average person to imagine that we are being bullied when we are not. Giving how confusing this can be, one may also begin to see why the guidance of a 12 Step program that is specifically focused on social anxiety problems, and 12 Step program "just for us" as has been said is so critical to a real and lasting recovery from our affliction.

1) Those who have sobriety or abstinence in another 12 step program yet still also struggle with active social anxiety.

and 2), Those from other 12 step programs who have also recovered from their social anxiety in their original 12 step program (either completely or at least to a large degree).

Q. I have sobriety or abstinence from other problems in another 12 step program yet my social anxiety still hasn't gone away-- so how then can the Social Phobics Anonymous 12 step program help me?

A. The differences in focus are critical. Every 12 step program has a unique focus. Although all the programs that use the steps have much in common there are important differences between them as well--.

These differences can be boiled down to the healing power of the steps being brought to bear on different problems and issues. If the the 12 step group you are in is not primarily focused on social anxiety and you happen to have social anxiety, then you may not get the full benefits of the steps from that fellowship (as far as social anxiety is concerned).

**That's why people who compulsively overeat need to sit in 12 step groups with other compulsive over-eaters-- why alcoholics need to work the steps in a roomful of alcoholics-- and why socially anxious people will make more progress working the 12 steps in a Social Phobics Anonymous meeting!

Q. I have partially (perhaps half-way) recovered from my social anxiety in a different 12 step program. Isn't this as far as the steps can take me with my fears? Don't I need something else (outside therapy or treatment) to finish the job?

A. Social Phobics Anonymous is not the least bit opposed to other treatments for social anxiety and some of these modalities can be a great help.

However, by participating in a 12 step program specifically focused on social anxiety issues one can also gain a much fuller, stronger and more consistent recovery.

Additionally, one gains an additional key missing ingredient-- the actual community of fellow social anxiety sufferers and the healing power of being in fellowship with people who have the exact same (or nearly the same) problem. People who can understand and support you in this area like no one else ever could!

Not to mention the powerful opportunity to gain and reinforce social anxiety recovery by doing service for others who have the same problem.

Q. I am one of the few from other 12 step programs who has recovered completely (or at least significantly) from social anxiety in my original 12-step program. So why should I therefore waste my time in a Social Phobics Anonymous meeting?

A. The answer here is simple-- We have to give it away in order to keep it.

There is no greater insurance policy to ensure long term recovery than by helping those who still suffer.

Additionally, if you look within your heart-- can you really turn away from passing the wonderful gift of social anxiety recovery that you have received on to those who are still caught in the crippling hell of this illness?

**Balance of course is needed. One recovers so that one can have ones' own life back-- and have time enjoy it!! But isn't it amazing how often when we make the time to sponsor even one person, or to inspire by example even one small group in one regular SPA meeting, that so much more is opened up in our lives anyway!

Everyone has something to contribute. Some of us still afflicted with social phobia of one type or another have been surprised to discover that by now sharing our old program knowledge Social Phobics Anonymous that suddenly, after all these years, the steps started to work for our social anxiety as well!

All that was needed was to bring our wisdom and experience from our old program into this new arena in order for the healing to finally begin...

There is really no mystery here, all that was missing was the Social Anxiety fellowship, working as a community on the 12 step path...

The result was that we began to experience the joy of being freed from the prison of our social anxiety.

The end of years painful social isolation and the wonderful ability to enjoy precious friendships, to end unnecessary separation from relatives, to go to work with dignity and a healthy pride and perhaps to even experience the sacred privilege of an intimate relationship for the first time in years.

These are some of the many gifts that can come from putting social anxiety recovery out front where it belongs and giving oneself the gift of a fellowship entirely focused on using the 12 steps, along with specific concepts and tools focused on social anxiety recovery in order to gain release from this sad and bitter syndrome.

Our meetings, both in the telephone support groups are available each week.